Tales from the Weight Room Floor.

One of my biggest pet peeves are the “bag ladies” and “duffel men” of the gym. My gym provides day lockers at no charge. You just use your membership card, and pull out the key on a convenient little bracelet. Forget your membership card? No problem, they’ll give you one at the front desk. Also, the gym clearly outlines that you shouldn’t bring your gym bags around with you when you work out.

But who follows rules these days anyway? Certainly not the lady planning her baby shower on her cell phone on the treadmill. (No cell phones inside – another ignore rule.)

I love a clean gym floor.

I love a clean gym floor.

Men for the most part are the least offensive of this rule. They have their little bags and they pretty much move it around with them when work. On the other hand, women are capital offenders. It’s not enough to have a bag. She’s got to have a towel, a water bottle, or more, and she pretty much spreads her stuff out to mark her territory. You want a piece of this mirror? Nope. You need to come over and grab some dumbbells? Can’t you see I’m HERE being very important. And if you do tread in to her area, be prepared for the stink eye. Be prepared for her to move each item over, away from you, laboriously.

There’s another lady, in particular, who is of the same breed but spends her time up on the cardio deck. Let’s call her Cracked Out Princess Leia. I call her this because she always wears her hair in 2 pigtails on the side of her head, half pulled through. So, totally lazy ass buns. She’s an older lady, but of indeterminable age. You know the kind? She could be pathetically in her 30’s or be fantastic in her 50’s, but you just can’t quite tell. The face says one thing, the neck another, they body something else.

Anyway, COPL is a bag lady. She comes up to the cardio deck with her beach bag of stuff. Maybe it’s just a really big ass purse. COPL removes her hat (most of the time, it’s a winter knit hat) and various scarves before taking to the elliptical. She also usually wears a bulky coat upstairs, too. By the way, I live in California, and although we are big weather wimps, she has done this on a 90 degree day and our gym has no A/C.

How the person next to her does not have their machine caught up in all her accoutrements is beyond me. She obviously does feel some warmth during her workout because her shirt usually gets pulled up and tied above her waist like she’s at cheerleading camp.

I’m a total square and a rule abider. If I bring anything in, it goes in the day lockers. Mostly, I put my purse under the seat in the car and lock it all up. When I have my convertible, I can’t really do that. I feel guilty toting my water bottle around and leaving it at a station I’m not at during a circuit round. And yes, I do feel guilty snarking about COPL, but she’s pretty ridiculous. If it weren’t against gym rules, I’d take a picture.

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