I’m mad at my gym right now. Two of my trainers have lost their jobs. My favorite membership person has moved on and 2 other trainers I liked a lot moved on to different things. I don’t like change. In fact, I get damn pissy about it. The thing with my two trainers recently is really making me rethink my membership. I don’t want to be one of those people who pay for a membership they don’t use. I don’t want to be one of those people who goes upstairs and leisurely walks for 10 minutes. When I go, I go balls out.
If I ruled the gym, I’d obviously have my favorite people working there. I’d be a stickler for rules.
1. No cell phone. Seriously. Take your call outside. No calls on the treadmill! No being on your phone while walking around and keeping others away from a weight lifting station. That’s rude.
2. No large bags. We have lockers for a reason, folks! Stash your stuff there. Your coat, your purse, your clothes. When you bring it around to each spot you work out with it gets in the way, and probably gets gross.
3. Be nice to everyone. Don’t suggest a girl lift the pink dumbbells because she’s female. Don’t stare at someone for trying to do their workout. Give them space, give them respect.
4. If you lock your arms and shoulders on the step machine, we’re going to have words. It’s no good for you, and it’s a terrible example to others.
5. That’s great your kid is interested in fitness, but this is a gym, not a playground. Kids should have the opportunity to do fun athletic things, but some kids are too young to be in the gym. Others are being tortured by their parents because they are so damn embarrassing. Some kids get used as bait to pick up people in the gym. Seriously, I’ve seen this.
6. Don’t talk to strangers stark naked. It’s weird. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the human body, but being in your birthday suit is not how I want to be introduced to friends.
7. Wipe down your equipment! At my theoretical gym there would be no shortage of towels, paper towels, spray cleaner, and wipes.
8. Use the damn key bowl. You spread your keys out all over the counter, you’re just making it easier for someone to take your keys and your ride.
9. If you’re taking up room in the stretching area, you’d better be stretching your body and not just your jaws. This is not everyone’s social hour.
10. Pick up after your damn self! You are a grown up. You took something, you put it back. That Swiss ball is big and it has a spot. Find it, ask about it, and stow it.