Catch-22 Pounds

One of the things I keep being the most surprised about as I continue to change my life and my habits is that it pretty much impacts my relationships with everyone.

I really thought this was all about me, and if it was a relationship thing – it was my relationship with myself or my relationship with food.  I’m now seeing that the whole book I thought I had written was erased and I’m starting over.  My friends and family are still my friends and family, but there is a definite shift.

I thought once I lost some weight and was more confident, I’d be more social.  After all, I have new clothes to show off, right?  Not exactly.

Progress

It started out that I had to tell friends “no” when it came to Happy Hours.  I was working out with my Boot Camp, or I was just leaving Boot Camp and smelled terrible.  Or sometimes it was that I wasn’t drinking anymore.  Sometimes I was just too tired to drag my ass to a bar!  But I wanted to hang out with my friends.  I tried to make things work when I could.  I had a lot of guilt around it.  But I have to tell you, they were all pretty awesome.  Whenever I would try to apologize for being MIA they wouldn’t hear of it.

Another weird thing, that’s related, is people are just ridiculously proud of me.  From people I knew in Kindergarten, to people I’ve known for a couple of months – I keep getting compliments.  I’m learning how to take them a little better, but it’s still pretty weird for me.  And my gorgeous friends?  They tell me that I INSPIRE THEM.  Which still just makes my head spin because I can’t imagine how that works, but I’ll take it because it’s just pretty darn cool.

So who do I hang out with?  I have a new group of people in my life.  New friends who all work out with me, or near me, or beside me, whatever.  I have my whole Beachbody Team, my upline, my Facebook friends, people I met at Summit.  If I need someone to hike with or vent to, I have plenty of options I didn’t have a year ago.  I also now train with this guy.  He’s a Nurse and a Marine, and he has me doing insane things that I never would have done before.  He has a great way to push me and get me out of my comfort zone, but at the same time, I know I’m well taken care of.  He and his wife and kids have become yet another West Coast family to me.  And now he’s letting my intern with him 3 days a week while I try to make health and fitness the center of my world. 

I’m still very happily married, but my relationship with my husband has changed and is changing all the time with this.  Luckily for me, he’s also very interested in fitness and health.  He understands the workouts and the early morning wake ups.  Unfortunately what he doesn’t always understand is how my time and energy get diverted away from things that need to be done.  When I have a high volume week of workouts, that can mean 6 workouts a day starting at  5 AM.  I pretty much have to spend the week before preparing my LIFE to be on total hold.  All household chores pretty much stop once those workouts start.  So if there’s laundry to be done, too bad.  If there’s dishes to be washed, better get plastic.  Need to make an appointment?  Better block out some time of your day, I won’t have any.  I barely cook.  I workout, eat and sleep.  Repeat as many times as necessary.  That has taken a huge toll out of our symbiosis, and has been the source of many fights.  It doesn’t help that when I’m tired and calorie deprived I’m not exactly a reasonable person.

I’m still trying to figure this all out.  How I can still be a good friend and partner and have my workouts, too.  Some friendships may be slightly on pause since there isn’t as much going out to dinner.  Maybe I’ll continue to get more people on the road to fitness along with me.  But either way, this is something I’m doing for myself, and that’s the most important relationship of all.

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