Feeling Sassy.

I’ll be up front with you all.  I’ve been on a roller coast of emotions for the last 6 months.  It hasn’t been pretty at times.  If I had known what I was in for when I decided to go off The Pill and go with Natural Medicine, I’m not sure if I would have thought it was worth it.  I do think it is though.

I’ve been having normal periods on my new plan.  I take herbs and I get customized intramuscular shots twice a week.  A test result showed I am deficient in inositol and I think that the supplementation has made a difference.  I feel good – I have more energy.  I have periods but they aren’t heavy like they were pre Pill.  The only thing that I’m having trouble managing is my emotions.

It’s a tricky thing for me.  On the one hand – I’m really emotional anyway.  I’ve been known to cry during a musical montage on a TV crime drama.  I’ve started crying when having difficult conversations with professors.  Bosses.  I didn’t look very professional.  Premenstrually, it was always worse.  I’d cry because my husband wouldn’t have lunch with me.  I’d cry because I heard a sad UB40 song.

On the other hand – I’m on antidepressants.  Most of the time, I’m not able to access my emotions when I want.  It keeps me from getting too low, but it also keeps me from getting too happy.  Sometimes I’m laughing and smiling on the inside but it’s resting bitchy face on the exterior.  Sometimes my insides are on the spin cycle and I just need to have a good cry and make it work.  But at the given time, my neurotransmitters decline that invitation, so I stay bottled up.

I never seem to have a hard time with the anger emotion.

Since being off The Pill and treating my PCOS naturally, I’m not getting typical about-to-start-my-period blues.  I get unexpectedly blindsided by a small rebuff.  It sends me in to a 3 day stupor of feeling like shit. I wake up on a seemingly random day and want to punch everyone in the esophagus.  I feel irritated, like my skin is too tight.  Nothing makes me happy.  Then, poof, it’s over.  Instead of having the feeling that someone is running my body and I’m a passenger, it’s more like I’m getting tossed around in the storm with little awareness to what’s going on until it has passed.

However, today I’m feeling Sassy.

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I’m taking my moods and my symptoms with a period app, because, well, there is an app for everything.  Let’s see if I can figure out some sort of pattern to the madness.  I’ve added some moods and symptoms and Sassy is one of them.

Feeling Sassy is a good one.  My filter pretty much didn’t exist today and I was freaking hilarious.  I had swagger.  My hair was on point.  My makeup – really good.  My workout was over first thing in the morning and I felt like a champion the whole rest of the day because of it.

I’ll take feeling Sassy over sad or mad.

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When You Don’t Reach a Goal.

I’ve always been a bit afraid of setting goals.  As a perfectionist child, I never wanted to let anyone down. If I made a promise, I kept it.  If I didn’t, I felt terrible.  Goals were always promises I made.  Promises to myself, promises to those around me… it didn’t really matter.  I’ve been encouraged to set goals, and so I’ve tried.  Honestly, most of the time I have no idea where to start.

One year ago I found myself at Beachbody Summit in Las Vegas, staring down a giant wall that said “Never Give Up.”  We could write our goals down.  Since I was overcome by the high of being in a convention center of pure blissful awesomeness, I wrote my goal.  I’ll share it with you now.

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Well, here it is a year later and I have to tell you where I’m at with those goals.  I haven’t lost 50 lb.  That’s probably the biggest one for me.  My health is my #1 priority.  I wanted to make that goal happen tremendously badly.

I am not a Diamond Coach.  I’m a solid Emerald.  If you aren’t in the Beachbody world that doesn’t mean a lot to you.  Basically, I haven’t moved my business forward much at all since this time last year.  Overall, I have fewer coaches in my little team, and they are less involved overall.  I haven’t been a leader to get them on their way and I haven’t inspired new people to join my team.

Not giving up anytime, ever.  This one, I feel like I kept.  Initially I felt like I must have given up because my forward momentum stalled.  But here’s the thing.  I’m still here.  I’m going to Summit again.  I’m still a coach.  I’m still working the Beachbody programs for myself and for others.  I’m still passionate about this company.  I still feel like it’s the place where I can do the most good.

I joined a DietBet over a month ago.  I present to you the results on this Transformation Tuesday.

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Well, as you can tell by my hands – it wasn’t a moment of victory.  I had 1 month to lose 4% of my body weight.  I thought it would be easy.  I put $30 on the line.  I think I ended up a few tenths of a pound away from my initial weight in.  I even ran 6 freaking miles a couple days before!

You can’t be shocked when you don’t make your goals.  Writing them down doesn’t magically infuse them into existence.  I wish it worked like that.  They are also not promises I didn’t keep.  They were goals that didn’t get reached because honestly, I didn’t have a plan.  I had a half assed plan that I half assed executed.  So that was a total quarter assed plan.  Of course I’m not going to reach goals if I quarter ass them!

So I’m going to write some new goals tonight.  They aren’t just going to be whispers into the silence of the night.  I am going to write them down and immediately start coming up with a plan.  I’m going to include ways to stay accountable.  I’m not going to freak out if I get off track.  I’m going to adjust accordingly.  I’m not going to make the goals easy so that they will be no sweat to make.  I’m not going to make them too difficult.  I’m going to make realistic goals that genuinely resonate with me and get me further down the path I want to be at in my life.

Watch out for a future blog post titled: “What to Do When You Absolutely Crush Your Goals.