I’ll be up front with you all. I’ve been on a roller coast of emotions for the last 6 months. It hasn’t been pretty at times. If I had known what I was in for when I decided to go off The Pill and go with Natural Medicine, I’m not sure if I would have thought it was worth it. I do think it is though.
I’ve been having normal periods on my new plan. I take herbs and I get customized intramuscular shots twice a week. A test result showed I am deficient in inositol and I think that the supplementation has made a difference. I feel good – I have more energy. I have periods but they aren’t heavy like they were pre Pill. The only thing that I’m having trouble managing is my emotions.
It’s a tricky thing for me. On the one hand – I’m really emotional anyway. I’ve been known to cry during a musical montage on a TV crime drama. I’ve started crying when having difficult conversations with professors. Bosses. I didn’t look very professional. Premenstrually, it was always worse. I’d cry because my husband wouldn’t have lunch with me. I’d cry because I heard a sad UB40 song.
On the other hand – I’m on antidepressants. Most of the time, I’m not able to access my emotions when I want. It keeps me from getting too low, but it also keeps me from getting too happy. Sometimes I’m laughing and smiling on the inside but it’s resting bitchy face on the exterior. Sometimes my insides are on the spin cycle and I just need to have a good cry and make it work. But at the given time, my neurotransmitters decline that invitation, so I stay bottled up.
I never seem to have a hard time with the anger emotion.
Since being off The Pill and treating my PCOS naturally, I’m not getting typical about-to-start-my-period blues. I get unexpectedly blindsided by a small rebuff. It sends me in to a 3 day stupor of feeling like shit. I wake up on a seemingly random day and want to punch everyone in the esophagus. I feel irritated, like my skin is too tight. Nothing makes me happy. Then, poof, it’s over. Instead of having the feeling that someone is running my body and I’m a passenger, it’s more like I’m getting tossed around in the storm with little awareness to what’s going on until it has passed.
However, today I’m feeling Sassy.
I’m taking my moods and my symptoms with a period app, because, well, there is an app for everything. Let’s see if I can figure out some sort of pattern to the madness. I’ve added some moods and symptoms and Sassy is one of them.
Feeling Sassy is a good one. My filter pretty much didn’t exist today and I was freaking hilarious. I had swagger. My hair was on point. My makeup – really good. My workout was over first thing in the morning and I felt like a champion the whole rest of the day because of it.
I’ll take feeling Sassy over sad or mad.