Being Relentless

“Relentless.”

A friend I’ve known for the last 18 years described me as relentless a while back.  I felt like it was an incredibly flattering compliment, but in the back of my mind I felt like it was false.  Because I’m a quitter.

It’s easy to get obsessed with all the wrong turns you’ve taken and all the projects you didn’t finish.  And that’s what I pretty much equated my definition of success to.  Many times I’ve done the wrong thing and I’ve abandoned things I really wanted to work.  I can find examples in my personal life, in my professional career, in my education.  But the worst of it is how many times I’ve let myself down.

We’ve all heard about S.M.A.R.T. goals.  I know, it’s not sexy. But when I have goals, they are usually not SMART in any sense.  They are vague and intangible and things I don’t have a lot of planning sunk in to.  Just little, “wouldn’t it be nice” thoughts.  Well, of course I’m not going to be able to finish that shit!  I have no idea what it even is.

Also – I’m scared to death of letting myself down.  That’s ironic considering how much I’ve actually done it.  So scratch that – I think I’m actually scared of getting success.  Why? Because I probably feel like I don’t deserve it.

At this point, I need to take my own advice and become my own best friend, my own coach, my own cheerleader.  Of course I deserve it.  I deserve to chase every goal and grab it with both hands.  My top 3 pursuits in the past year have been:

1. Be happy.

2. Lose weight.

3. Make an income.

Admirable, vague, and really shallow (looking at you #2).  How about we try this again:

1. Continue to live mindfully and cultivate a positive attitude every day.

2. Make the nutrition and exercise changes necessary to lose 50 lb.  Have fun.  Don’t stop when things get hard.  Mix things up when they aren’t working or get boring.  Keep the big picture in mind at all times.

3. Build on my own transformation to get others on the same path, and serve at the same time as I earn income from this. And in the meantime, do everything I need to to get myself the tools and space I need to make this happen.

So, yeah.  I’m going to be relentless.  I’m not going to quit.  And I’m not going to give up if I stumble.

Stairs

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