Maybe I Don’t Hate Bicycles

The whole triathlon thing?  Yeah, it’s still my BIG goal.  I can swim very well.  I haven’t mastered open water swimming in the surf, but I’m a strong swimmer and I know it’s very much something I’ll be able to do.  I’m not the best runner, but I can do it.  I can do the distance.  Well, I can do 6 miles.  Let’s work on the rest.

I can ride a bike.  I mastered that at age 5.  Biking as an adult, knowing the danger, I don’t know, I think I’m a little afraid.  So I haven’t been doing much biking.  I make excuses.  I do other stuff.  I really hate shifting.  It feels weird, it sounds weird.  Cars are scary.

I did some indoor biking this year with my trainer.  I just mashed the pedals.  I put the resistance on, I suffered through the butt pain and I pushed.  I went for time, I went for cadence, I went for calorie burn.  I stood up when I couldn’t stand the butt pain anymore.  I hated every single moment of it.

So I wasn’t too excited about Spin class when my friend wanted to go.  But, I’m a good friend and I went.  When the instructor helped me adjust the bike settings, I knew it was going to be better than I thought.  All my joints lined up.  As soon as class started I knew things would be different.

The music was inspiring and the giant tour of San Francisco kept my eyes satisfied.  The class really got my senses excited and also satiated.  The whole class didn’t fly by.  It was hard.  It was work, but I enjoyed it anyway.  And afterward I got the endorphin high.  THE ENDORPHIN HIGH!  I never get it!  It’s fabulous.

My kick ass instructor, Sharon!

My kick ass instructor, Sharon!

I’ve been able to go two other times and it was equally as great.  And so was the endorphins.  I’m planning to go on my last week in Portland. And then I’m planning to go at my gym in San Diego.  It’s a completely different kind of workout.  And I think the switch up is just want I need right now.

Things have been tough in the last couple weeks.  The spin classes have been just what I needed.  Along with yoga and long walks.  I’m in a good place.

So maybe I’m not a biking goddess, but maybe I can do this after all.

Speed bumps happen to the best of us.

I’m at home in Maine for awhile.  All in all, this trip is lasting 3 weeks.  It’s been really hard at times to live across the country from friends, family, and where I grew up.  I’m more and more of a Californian every day, but I am still a Maine girl.  Definitely one of the biggest reasons that I am a Beachbody Coach is so that I can have the flexibility to be somewhere other than home in San Diego and still do my job.  My parents are getting older.  My friends have kids I want to know.  Social media lets us maintain relationships with people we knew in our pasts that we want to keep building.

Heading up for a walk.

Heading up for a walk.

I thought I prepared so well for this trip.  I packed plenty of clothes (probably too many).  I brought stuff to work out in. I brought a bunch of Beachbody program DVDs.  I brought tons of Shakeology.  I brought the new Beachbody Performance sample pack.  I fully intended to do my business from wherever I was.

Guess what?  $hit happens. I haven’t been on the ball.  I’ve managed some great walks and I’ve been to spin classes, but I haven’t been able to work my program remotely.  If it’s not a DVD player that isn’t hooked up, it’s a TV that’s in constant use for crime dramas.  These speed bumps don’t add up to much more than excuses and yet here they are.

Without getting in to much detail, there’s been some pretty heavy stuff going on with my family.  I’m dealing with it as best I can, but I have found myself sliding back into some dark places and some bad habits.  My disordered eating has been scratching at my brain.  It’s a comforting way to deal with stressors.  Only, it’s not that comforting. I see the patterns starting to form and this has been the first day I’ve been able to successfully pull the brakes on it.  No doubt, by telling 2 people close to me about it, separately, it made it real and it made my brain wake up a little.

I can only change what’s happening now and I can only try my best and set myself up for good things down the road.  I think that it means, I need to leave my time with my parents and get to a more neutral space where I can map out my own plan for the rest of my time here.  I need to not fall apart.

I accept, whole heartedly, than I am not perfect.  This isn’t any more than most people handle.  I can do this. I just have to remind myself of it and get on the right track.

My number one priority in life is my health.  MY HEALTH. I need to serve that priority in everything I do.