My Average is Awesome

Once in awhile I get stuck in “The Wallows.” I usually come out of it just fine, but whether it is hormones, the phase of the moon, the length of the days, I can count on it making a brief cameo or an extended contract appearance in the normal sunshine and rainbows I try to cultivate.

(And instead of banishing The Wallows, I’ve decided to let it happen, confront it and learn from it.)

The latest installment on The Wallows has been a pretty typical one for me. My friends. My relationships. And usually the song is “No One Likes You Anymore.”

I’ve seen through this one a little bit.

Three years ago I started learning more about how to be a effective Beachbody Coach. The training includes a ton of personal development exercises and honestly, really just kicks off a lot of development that never actually ends. But, trust me, it’s a good thing. One of the exercises was to identify the Top 5 people you spend time with in your life. Why? Because you are the average of the Top 5 people you spend your time with. The Top 5 people you give energy and attention to. We were challenged to consider if those Top 5 people were good, positive influences that would support you in your life, and if they would help you become a success. I easily identified my Top 5. My Top 5 people were people that I freaking loved, and they loved me. And I knew that it would never change.

It did change. Of course it changed. That’s what happens. My Top 5 in 2014 are not my Top 5 in 2017. Three years of stuff and change and experiences have happened for me and for each of them. The problem was part of my brain was holding on to the dearly departed members of my Top 5 squad. I have a massive fear of loss. And I attributed the perceived loss to being my fault.

Members of my former Top 5 were people who are great friends, but did not share my enthusiasm for my Beachbody business. In fact, I think my ridiculous enthusiasm was very off putting to them. Which made me feel like crap because, why weren’t they supporting me as blindly as I expected them to? They just weren’t. And what I see now is, that’s totally okay. No one is required to buy into your dreams. And if you can’t convince them, it doesn’t mean you didn’t do a good job and it doesn’t mean your dreams don’t matter.

I made a few really lame attempts to talk to a few of my friends about my big dreams and my love for what I was doing, but honestly, I was scared to hear anything negative and my idea of a big heart to heart basically was a couple of mumbled sentences and change of subject.

Honestly, I don’t know what I expected from them. Maybe I wanted them to listen to me, enraptured and join my team of coaches and go full on Beachbody blue. My dreams aren’t everyone else’s. My interests aren’t universal. And I’m starting to be OK with that. Really I am.

These friends were easy targets for The Wallows. I’ll give you a taste of the kind of things my unfriendly voices would say. “They don’t believe in you.” “No one believes in you.” “You are a joke.” “You’ll never be a success.” “This is a scam.” “Your business cost you your friends.” “They think you are dumb.”

I’m a fierce friend. I’m the kind of person who is almost a Stage 4 clinger. I love you hard. I love you without reserve. But not everyone is like me. And sadly, people I loved stopped showing up for me.

I stopped being sad about it because I realized that even if people don’t show up for you, it’s not because they don’t love you. It just means that you aren’t their priority right now. That’s not a judgment, that’s life. Things and people are more important at different times because no one has the bandwidth for it all.

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Without realizing it, I created a new Top 5. I created a new Top 10. Last year I wanted some help with my goals and accountability. I wanted people to talk to honestly, and I wanted to get new opinions. I created a group of women for that mutual support. It has been fantastic for all of us. That’s the kind of support I had been craving. I think they were, too.

I’m sure The Wallows will still prick me from time to time when I see people on social media hanging out together doing fun things without me, but I am reminding myself with this post and going forward that I have everything I need to be successful and happy. And I wish everyone else the best, too.

Welcome to Your Life

Okay, so it’s the first day of the year, so it’s obviously time to take a big old stab at doing things the way you want them done, right?

I’m looking at the next year and I’m really wanting to take action steps. I’ll start with this blog.

  • Blog more.
  • Have a more concrete voice on my blog.
  • Move the blog over to a new site.
  • Integrate it better with the rest of my social media life.
  • Have better ways to connect with new people.

Now let’s talk about my health and stuff.

  • Bust the plateau.
  • Get some serious weight loss results.
  • Get certified to be a personal trainer.
  • Get paid to teach PiYo.
  • Go to Summit like a #GirlBoss.

Personal life?

  • Spent more time with people.
  • Travel.
  • Have meaningful relationships.
  • Enjoy life.

Happy 2017.nye-2008-2016

Revisiting the 21 Day Fix

I’ve done a few rounds of the 21 Day Fix.  I’ve always loved the length of the program because I can totally schedule 21 days of workouts in the life.  3 weeks is a really achievable time frame.  When you finish, you feel accomplished.  Some time last year I decided that I was beyond 21 Day Fix.  I could go Extreme.  So I did!  I finished a few rounds of 21 Day Fix Extreme and THEN Autumn’s program – The Master’s Hammer & Chisel (twice).  I felt like I was a pro or something.

Haha.

Isn’t that always what happens?  You get cocky.

 

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I’m doing a new challenge with Autumn – Your Fit Journey.  It started earlier this month and in it you do ALL 4 of her programs, back to back.  I have done all the programs so I thought, no problem.  And we started with 21 Day Fix.  I definitely  thought I’d be golden.

Coming off another program, I was ready.  I even had to overlap the two for a couple days.  No problem.  This was just 21 Day Fix.  I was ALL. OVER. THIS.

And then, the first move on the first day.  Surrenders.  Ugh.  The worst exercise for someone with hip flexor weakness.  Let me tell you something true.  This is not an easy program.  Sure it is approachable for beginners and I usually recommend it for beginners, but it is as tough as you want to make it.  And even though I think I’m badass, I’m modifying.  I’m pausing for a drink because it is GO time for 30 min.

It was totally hubris to think I outgrew this program. I was familiar with the program and probably ready for a change and a challenge.  But it was never EASY.  I was never BEYOND it.  So to everyone I’ve recommended the program to: it’s really great isn’t it? I’m right there with you and I have so much respect for ALL of us that finish each round.

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I see a therapist.  She’s fantastic.  I’m not the least bit embarrassed by that.  I usually don’t mention it more often because it makes OTHER people more uncomfortable to hear it, but honestly, I’m not going to break.  A little over a year ago I started seeing her again regularly and it’s been a life line for me.  Sometimes I can clearly see where my depression is taking me and I can take steps to stop myself from going there.  Other times I need some direction.

I can’t do it all alone.  I’m not a superhero.  Plus, I bet superheroes would have therapists.

My session today was basically 50 min of me telling her all the things that happened over the past 2 weeks.  I have some very GOOD news, more on that in another post.  But I had a lot of bad things to talk about.  I’ve had a lot of struggles that, even though I identify them, they keep fucking with me anyway.  For maybe the last 2 minutes of the session she was able to summarize what all this crap was about that I couldn’t seem to stop from killing my mojo.

I’m not connecting with the people I care about and it’s hurting me.

I miss some of the people in my life incredibly badly.  It scratches my soul.  Maybe I see people, but I’m not connecting the way that I need to.  I’m reluctant to always go out of my way and talk to the important people in my life when things are dark and broody.  There are maybe 3 people I know I can go to.  Unfortunately a couple of those are very difficult to get a live line to sometimes.

Life moves fast, and I acknowledge that I’m not the center of the universe. (Sadly.)  People’s life changes happen INDEPENDENT of my wants and needs.  It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be in the loop, and it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t care.  I do.  Even when something GOOD for someone else is a negative thing for me, I want to cheer with them, cry with them and to just KNOW.

I’m not a difficult person to love.  And I love to go deep with people about their stuff.  When I am comfortable, I have no problem going deep with my own.

I’m not just an extrovert who needs to be around people.  I’m not just a needy person who wants to be the life of the party or the loudest person in the room.  I’m a human who craves connection, and I’m not getting enough of it.

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10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Work Out at Home.

You can only get a good workout at a gym.

Home is supposed to be relaxing.

Unless you have a team of professionals monitoring you, you’ll never get fit.

Paying a club fee keeps you accountable.

No one ever got a good workout on their own.

You don’t have a DVD player anymore anyway.

There’s no way you can actually stop watching Netflix long enough to throw in a workout.

You have no equipment to do any of those fancy moves.

There’s no way you can sweat without someone yelling at you.

Your pet/spouse/child won’t leave you alone long enough to have time to yourself to work out.

Does any of this sound familiar? It should.  We are continually sabotaging ourselves from any of the healthy choices we need to make by the voices we listen to.  Sometimes they are in our head, from experiences we’ve had.  And sometimes they are from people in our lives.  They can even be from society and culture in general!  It can get pretty overwhelming and I have to admit that I’ve listened to them, too.

I have done lots of things in my fitness life.  I’ve been a member of gyms.  I’ve been gone regularly!  I’ve taken classes in a devotional fashion.  I’ve run on the streets, in traffic, where everyone can see me.  I’ve worked with personal trainers.  I’ve been in small group circuit training classes.  I’ve met up with friends to do fit stuff out in the world.  I’ve even run a fitness class outside of my house!

But I ALSO workout at home.

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Getting PUMPED up at home.

 

I used to think that the act of getting dressed and getting in the car was what I needed to make sure I didn’t drop out of my workout routine.  I admit, I’ve never turned around on my way to a gym. I also get dressed and head downstairs, fire up my Apple TV and drink my pre workout Energize.  That’s my NEW ritual to get going.  I’ve bagged gym workouts when I pushed too hard.  I’ve surrendered during home workouts when I haven’t had it in me.

The thing I had to change was my mindset.  I had to question the truth of all of those 10 statements.  The funny thing is, there’s a little truth in them, but there’s also a whole lot of excuses and fear.

The gym isn’t the answer, running isn’t the answer, and working out along to a program at home isn’t the answer.  You are the answer.  You have to find what’s going to work FOR YOU.  And what that is will change.  You will change.  Tomorrow’s solutions aren’t the same as yesterday’s – otherwise we would just be doing the same thing over and over again  until things were perfect.  Shit happens. Conditions will change.  Your metabolism will change.  What you like will change.  What challenges you, will change.  You may have a physical set back, which will change what you need.  You will get stronger, better, faster, more awesome.  You’ll have to seek out new mountains to conquer.  That’s the greatest part about being a human!

The at-home thing works for me now.  I get to pick from a bunch of programs.  I’m close to my own shower, which I know doesn’t have plantar warts growing in it.  I can even access them when I’m traveling. (Like the time I did the line dancing workout in a tiny hotel room.)  But I can ALSO go swim some laps, go for a run, go the the gym and lift some weights.

I can do anything I want, and that’s totally okay.  But I DO stuff.  It’s often easier to START at home.  The gym is scary.  People driving by you when you are trying to run on the street, that’s intimidating.  If I need the people portion, I can workout with a friend at home or find the friends on Facebook who are also doing the same thing as I am.  That way, I have a gym buddy, anytime, anyplace, anywhere.

So forget what you think about working out at home.  It’s as awesome as you want to make it.  And it’s pretty great when you let it.

My First Half Marathon

**This post has sat unfinished in my drafts for over 2 months.  But as I told my friend recently, published is better than perfection, I’m pushing it out.**

When I started this blog I had this crazy idea that I was going to be a triathlete.  Even though I was overweight and out of shape.  Even though I hadn’t ridden a bike since I was in high school and I hadn’t run a whole mile since 10th grade.  I swam for fun, I didn’t swim for distance and time.

I still haven’t done my triathlon, but I have ridden a bike.  (Admittedly, I need to do that more.) I have swam laps in the pool until I was exhausted.

But the running part?  Ha! That, I can absolutely tell you I progressed on!

On June 5th I ran my first half marathon!  It was the third one I’ve signed up for – so I guess it was third time – the charm.  I ran the San Diego Rock n Roll Half Marathon!

I started my training late.  I started my long runs in April.  Because my work schedule is a little erratic I could always depend on Sundays being free for long runs.  My idea was to increase my mileage by 1 mile each week.  I was in the middle of a round of 21 Day Fix Extreme and it got more difficult to balance that schedule with running and rest.  (And work which also got a little crazy.) For the most part this approach worked and I ended up completing my 10 miler the week before my event.  That really helped my confidence in knowing I could do 13.1  I had accidentally done a 9.5 on my 10K in Las Vegas.

It was really helpful that a friend let us stay at her place that was conveniently situated within walking distance of the start and the finish.  I did the requisite preparations.  Carbohydrates the night before.  Plenty of hydration.  I stood in line for the bathroom until it was time to start.  I had my gels and salt twists.  I didn’t get a playlist together but I have Apple Music on my phone.

It really was the hardest thing I have ever done.  I just kept moving forward.  I ran as much as I could, which ended up being a lot more than I anticipated.  My calve cramps were the only things I stopped for.  They didn’t really start until after mile 8 and I did a brief stretch out on the curb a couple of times to get through.  I drank water at the water stations, Gatorade when it was offered.  I used 1 gel and it was probably not the best idea.  It really made my stomach hurt after about a mile after taking it. The end of the course had some downhills, which I appreciated.  I finished stronger than I thought I would.

Afterward I kind of felt drunk.  I could only move slow and my thinking wasn’t really where it should have been.  I had recovery food (banana) and waited for my friend to finish the full marathon.  Stopping was the hardest part.  Sitting was awful until it was time to get up and then THAT was awful.  I did get to enjoy Gavin DeGraw as the headliner though!

The walk back up to my friend’s house was SLOW.  Everything hurt.  All 3 of us were beat up and miserable.  I don’t really remember what we did or what we ate that day, but I do remember that the next day was NOT as awful as I thought it would be.  I went to Bloom and got Traumeel in my shot.  I used my plantar fasciitis braces.  I was more okay than I expected to be.

So from thinking that I’d be “one and done” I’m actually considering doing this race again next year.  I don’t think that RnR Las Vegas in November is in the cards.  I still think that with better conditioning and with less weight to run with I could actually have a much better time at this.

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