This will be interesting, fun and probably a little hard of a blog post to completely finish. I’m married. I just celebrated my 4th wedding anniversary and I’ve been dating my husband for 12 years this Christmas Eve. That’s a long freakin’ time! We’re a very solid couple. Right now we aren’t living together for work reasons. He has a fantastic job in a start up in Silicon Valley, and I’m in San Diego living in our condo. There’s a ton of reasons why I’m NOT moving up to be there. San Diego is home to both of us. We’re incredibly grounded and happy here. This is the place where we want to live our lives. Having a San Diego base keeps him from getting caught in the craziness of the Valley. To sell or rent our condo, we’d need to do significant upgrades. I’m starting a business here. Our friends are here and the friends we have here are seriously our family. We belong here, but this is not where his best opportunity is at the moment.
So, we’re making it work. He flies back on weekends. I try and go up for a week once a month. We have a lot of IM conversations during the day, which is pretty much normal if you’re with someone in the tech industry. He gets to work the hours he needs to work without any guilt of his wife at home.
It’s tough. I miss him. When we’re together for a week or more the separation is much worse and raw. I expect change to happen. I don’t know when, I don’t know what. But for now we are going with it all. So I’ll do my best to answer today’s questions. I have friends who are back to dating after divorce in some cases, so maybe that will help me?
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Relationships and Dating
1. List five characteristics that you think are important in a significant other.
Willingness to communicate. Crucial! Things need to be said.
A sense of humor. Life is crazy, you have to laugh about it all.
Honesty. There’s never a good reason to not be honest. I’m lucky I married a terrible liar.
Sense of present. Not the gift variety. Knowing that here and now is important. Enjoy the present. Live for the moment. Don’t take today or tomorrow for granted. Appreciate what’s around you now.
Integrity. If you are hitching your star to someone else’s, it better be going in a direction you can appreciate as well. Someone you believe in, who believes in you, and that you can stand together and know that you are being the best you can be.
2. If you had to choose between staying single for the next two years (as in, no dating at all,) or receiving $10,000, which would you choose? Even if I was single, I’d pass on the money. Having a good relationship is such a gift, and if you are single you have no idea who is just around the corner. Timing is everything, and why mess with what could be your time over some cash?
3. What is your relationship status? Are you satisfied with it? I’m happily married! I covered everything I wanted to say about this above. I’m so glad I married the man I did. We’re better together than we ever were apart.
4. Would you date someone who has children? If I found myself single at this point, sure. I don’t plan on having children myself. I don’t like ALL kids. But, I don’t hate them either. At some stage in your life, having children in the mix is all but a given with dating. (And like I told a friend earlier tonight – if you are ever dating a man with kids who rails on his ex-wife as a harpy who makes his life hell – better run. Men that diss their baby mommas better look in the mirror. They were in that relationship, too.)
5. Would you date someone who’s shorter than you? I probably would have said no in my 20’s, but I don’t think it really matters much. I find myself attracted to really tall men. 6’4″ used to be my magic number, but I married a 6’1″ who slouches. A women being smaller than a man is such an outdated part of our collective culture. Women are not less than men, in any way. We can make more $, have a great job, and yes, be taller. I hate that diminutiveness is considered attractive in a woman.
6. Would you date someone who has different political views? I think that depends on HOW different. My husband and I have pretty similar views, but they definitely diverge in some areas. We’re both liberal. He’s more of an anarchist and I’m more of a socialist. No, I’m not a member of the Communist Party and he doesn’t destroy stuff. I think that political views and alignment over some issues are certainly part of the mix when finding someone you get along with. Some couples like Carville and Matalin find a way to make it work, so it can happen. (FYI, in college, actually before I got really liberal and I was still a registered Republican, a guy broke up with me for being “too liberal”. He’d really run now!)
7. If you were going on vacation together, would you choose the beach or the mountains? The beach because there’s likely more going on. My husband is a city boy through and through and quiet drives him crazy. Not having WiFi would kill him on vacation. I’d prefer the beach because I’m so comfortable whenever I’m near the water.
8. How do you show someone that you’re interested in them? Back in THE DAY (College!) I’d say I would show them I was interested basically by stalking them. I’d just happen to be where they were! Imagine that! In high school I’d time roughly how long it would take for a certain someone to go to his locker, get his stuff and walk by where mine was, so we always left the same time. In college I’d go to the dining hall nearest to his dorm. I would totally do drive bys! It was moderately creepy, but it got results for me AND my friends. I’d do crazy things to get a number for a friend. As I got older, and ballsier, I’d just tell them. But probably after a little stalking.
9. Do you prefer to date people who are older than you or younger? I always preferred older. But not too much. I dated younger guys and married someone 2 years younger than me. My rule was “Must be born in the 1970’s” when I was an active dater. I never broke it! I went from 1971 to 1979 though. 🙂
10. Share some details of your dream date. Okay, dream date with my husband! It would be here in San Diego. We’d spend part of the day at the Zoo or just doing stuff around the city. Then we’d have a nice dinner, hopefully involving red meat to help with my anemia. We’d go to a fantastic dessert restaurant to top it off, and then at the end if we could manage to keep going (but this is a dream, so let’s say we do) we’d end up at my favorite dueling piano bar.