My Average is Awesome

Once in awhile I get stuck in “The Wallows.” I usually come out of it just fine, but whether it is hormones, the phase of the moon, the length of the days, I can count on it making a brief cameo or an extended contract appearance in the normal sunshine and rainbows I try to cultivate.

(And instead of banishing The Wallows, I’ve decided to let it happen, confront it and learn from it.)

The latest installment on The Wallows has been a pretty typical one for me. My friends. My relationships. And usually the song is “No One Likes You Anymore.”

I’ve seen through this one a little bit.

Three years ago I started learning more about how to be a effective Beachbody Coach. The training includes a ton of personal development exercises and honestly, really just kicks off a lot of development that never actually ends. But, trust me, it’s a good thing. One of the exercises was to identify the Top 5 people you spend time with in your life. Why? Because you are the average of the Top 5 people you spend your time with. The Top 5 people you give energy and attention to. We were challenged to consider if those Top 5 people were good, positive influences that would support you in your life, and if they would help you become a success. I easily identified my Top 5. My Top 5 people were people that I freaking loved, and they loved me. And I knew that it would never change.

It did change. Of course it changed. That’s what happens. My Top 5 in 2014 are not my Top 5 in 2017. Three years of stuff and change and experiences have happened for me and for each of them. The problem was part of my brain was holding on to the dearly departed members of my Top 5 squad. I have a massive fear of loss. And I attributed the perceived loss to being my fault.

Members of my former Top 5 were people who are great friends, but did not share my enthusiasm for my Beachbody business. In fact, I think my ridiculous enthusiasm was very off putting to them. Which made me feel like crap because, why weren’t they supporting me as blindly as I expected them to? They just weren’t. And what I see now is, that’s totally okay. No one is required to buy into your dreams. And if you can’t convince them, it doesn’t mean you didn’t do a good job and it doesn’t mean your dreams don’t matter.

I made a few really lame attempts to talk to a few of my friends about my big dreams and my love for what I was doing, but honestly, I was scared to hear anything negative and my idea of a big heart to heart basically was a couple of mumbled sentences and change of subject.

Honestly, I don’t know what I expected from them. Maybe I wanted them to listen to me, enraptured and join my team of coaches and go full on Beachbody blue. My dreams aren’t everyone else’s. My interests aren’t universal. And I’m starting to be OK with that. Really I am.

These friends were easy targets for The Wallows. I’ll give you a taste of the kind of things my unfriendly voices would say. “They don’t believe in you.” “No one believes in you.” “You are a joke.” “You’ll never be a success.” “This is a scam.” “Your business cost you your friends.” “They think you are dumb.”

I’m a fierce friend. I’m the kind of person who is almost a Stage 4 clinger. I love you hard. I love you without reserve. But not everyone is like me. And sadly, people I loved stopped showing up for me.

I stopped being sad about it because I realized that even if people don’t show up for you, it’s not because they don’t love you. It just means that you aren’t their priority right now. That’s not a judgment, that’s life. Things and people are more important at different times because no one has the bandwidth for it all.

Tribe.png

Without realizing it, I created a new Top 5. I created a new Top 10. Last year I wanted some help with my goals and accountability. I wanted people to talk to honestly, and I wanted to get new opinions. I created a group of women for that mutual support. It has been fantastic for all of us. That’s the kind of support I had been craving. I think they were, too.

I’m sure The Wallows will still prick me from time to time when I see people on social media hanging out together doing fun things without me, but I am reminding myself with this post and going forward that I have everything I need to be successful and happy. And I wish everyone else the best, too.

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Born to Wander.

I’m a born traveler. I used to annoy my parents to no end when I was a kid because I never wanted to stay home. I’m very fortunate to have had more opportunities than most young people. And as an adult I’ve tried to take advantage of any chances I’ve had to go anywhere new.

I don’t mind flying. Buses are fine. Trains are kinda cool. I’m down for a cross county road trip *whenever.* Boats? You *know* I love life on the high sea!

This was a busy summer for travel and me. I went to Nashville for Beachbody Summit, which is a new state and city for me! I went back to SF to see dear friends get married. And I spent 3 whole weeks back in Maine, with family, friends, new friends and lots of cats.

I’m incredibly fortunate to be able to do this travel, I don’t take it for granted for a second. My manager at Starbucks let me fly the coop for an extended period of time, and my job as a Team Beachbody Coach let’s me do the good work that I’m passionate about anywhere. I imagine a time when I can do even more travel, even more connecting in person, even more sweating with the people I care most about.

Wifi is my best friend. The world is a small place because we can keep in touch about the fun things we do and stay on track with our health and fitness goals. The world is also a BIG place. Flying over looking down below makes me want to see it all.

If I get the window seat, I'm happy!

If I get the window seat, I’m happy!

I’m Glad I’m a Grown-Up: February’s Last Thought

I loved college.  I grabbed a hold of that experience, held on and wrung out every bit of fun that was possible for years – including summer sessions.  Even better than college was AFTER college.  After a year of living for the weekend (and going back to college) on a small island, I spent 5 years living in Maine’s largest city, being a bar district regular, and reigning as the Princess of Portland.

I physically moved on.  I ended up living in a couple large cities, and I’ve had a fun time in my 30s. I didn’t rip it up like the 20s, but it was pretty great. Sure, my alcohol tolerance isn’t what it was, my feet couldn’t take a whole night of dancing, and I called a cab instead of walking home.  My husband has told me, repeatedly, that I’m living in the past, too obsessed with college and my 20s.

I admit, I still keep in touch with friends I’ve had from those times.  We have more than enough #tbt dirt on each other.  Unfortunately we’ve also bonded over the loss of some of our mutual friends – taken from us much too young.  I go home usually once a year to see my parents.  My trips end up including visits with friends and my favorite places.  I like to watch what some people think of as “teen” shows.  But, honestly, either I watch because I like the actors playing the parents, or it’s about vampires.

Not bad.

Not bad.

It doesn’t hurt that I still can pass for being in my 20s.  I love getting carded.  I feel better than I did when I was in my 20s.  I’ve mastered dressing better and I’ve rehabbed the mistakes I made in over plucking my eyebrows.  I have some really awesome jewelry now including 3 wedding rings.

After a conversation on Twitter with a friend from college I came to the realization that without seeing it happen – I grew up. Despite my husband’s protests, my love of 90s music, and the fact that I get off the airplane in Portland and go straight to Margaritas – I’m a grown up and I’m okay with it.

I don’t miss the craziness and uncertainty of that time in my life.  I’m glad I no longer am drawn to drama.  I’m happy with who I am.  I like things about myself, even when I’m striving to improve them.  I have advice to offer women younger than me, because there is a lot of thing I wish I had know when I was in that spot.  I don’t envy the young anymore, I just want to see them have an awesome life and enjoy themselves as much as I do.

It doesn’t bother me that my doctor, hair stylist and boss are younger than me.  I don’t view age as a peg of authority anymore, I now see it as expertise and accomplishment – and we aren’t all going to have the same at any age.

I looked up to women my current age when I was in my 20s as surrogate big sisters and I hope others do the same with me now.  But I dreaded getting older and growing up even if it made me like those women.  I didn’t want to get boring!

I’m not boring.  I love my life and every experience I’ve had.  I’m looking forward to the ones I’m going to have.  I might end up with gray hairs and some wrinkles, but it’s going to be okay when it happens.

Friend Makin’ Mondays: Getting to Know Each Other

I am back from my wedding anniversary trip! I got home around 10 last night and found a very cranky, needy kitty waiting for me. It was a rough night, she really missed me. She had a lot more separation anxiety than she usually does.

We drove to Paso Robles from Palo Alto and spent a day wine and olive oil tasting. It was a very low key trip, but super fun. And now, no more wine as we’re embarking on another Paleo cleanse. I’m not calling it Whole30 this time because I know I’m not going to be as strict and Patrick’s only committing to 28 days. So Whole28(sorta) wouldn’t be a good name, now would it?

FMM

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: http://www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Getting to Know Each Other

1. What is your favorite flower? By the strictest definition of this, I’m going to say Star-gazer Lilly. But, I also love lilac blooms. They smell amazing.

2. What is a date on the calendar that you’re looking forward to? October 12 because my friend Amiyah will be home from Singapore briefly! I miss her. She’s there working for 2 years and I definitely intend to go visit.

3. List at least five characteristics of your ideal mate. Sense of humor, integrity, open-mindedness, kind, must love cats.

4. What is your favorite travel destination? I’ve only been once, but I’d love to go back to London and show it to my husband. I love that there’s so much history there and that things have been there for a long time. We take for granted what a young country we are.

5. What is your idea of the perfect date? I’m a fan of dinner and a movie! A chance to talk, a chance to get entertained, it doesn’t get much better than that. I know it’s simple, but sometimes that’s better than the more elaborate things. I’m sure zip lining in the rainforest is awesome, but I like just being present.

6. What is your relationship with your family like? I’m close to my parents. We talk once a week and I think of them both often. My mom and I have a little trouble with boundaries. My dad is difficult to get to open up. I love my extended family, but there’s lots of hurt feelings that taints things. My mom has a lot of half siblings and I’m not that close to that side of the family. They are nice and we sometimes spend holidays with them, but I didn’t grow up with them. All of my grandparents have passed.

7. What time did you wake up this morning? 7:14 officially, but my cat didn’t let me sleep much at all. So probably that could be MANY times.

8. What characteristic do you like most about yourself? Which do you dislike most? I really like my memory. I retain so much. It annoys my friends that I can recall the dumb things they do. It helps me with trivia. It helps me remember which cart I was in on a ride so that I can collect my sunglasses when that cart comes back through. True story. Dislike? I’m not brief at all. I have to express myself in way to much detail. I have a really hard time distilling things to their core.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch?I love hockey, but I think tennis is my favorite. Since I play it, I understand the rules well and I understand what a mental game it is. It’s almost as dramatic as wrestling to me!

10. Share a few interesting things that you did over the weekend. We went olive oil tasting and I realized how different olive oils can taste – not just the infusion oils. I also tried ghost pepper salt, which was HOT. Of course we went wine tasting. We also saw The World’s End at a theater in Paso and that was really a fun movie! Of course, I had fun just being with my husband since we usually spend the week days apart.

This is what olive oil tasting can look like after 2 wine tasting trips.  Messy!

This is what olive oil tasting can look like after 2 wine tasting trips. Messy!

Friend Makin’ Mondays: School Days

I missed last week! It was a good one, too. Oh well, I’ll just have to be more on the ball with these. Things have been okay here in my side of the world. I got some good workouts in, made some good plans. I’m getting B vitamin shots and I’ve been having some serious tiredness the next day – so I’m investigating that. This week I have an appointment to see a Naturopath doctor. I’m just not happy with where I’m at with the conclusions my doctors have come to with some of my issues. There’s nothing SERIOUSLY wrong, but I just want to make sure I know all my options.

FMM

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: http://www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

School Days

1. What was your favorite subject in school? Science, followed closely, and sometimes eclipsed by, English. Odd pairing, but those have always been where my strengths and interest were. I was the first student in my HS to take EVERY single science subject offered. Senior year, that was 3 course, one being AP.

2. Did you attend elementary school and high school in the same town? No. I’m from a ridiculously small town. We aren’t even properly listed on Google maps. There is no street light in my town! We have a school for K-8, and that’s where I went. We obviously are too small for a high school so my town paid for the students to go to any area high school, but bused to 4. I ended up going to the large public high school nearby because of their science program. Unfortunately, most of my friends went to different high schools.

3. Are you still friends with anyone that you met during school? Yeah, Facebook certainly helps us keep in touch and I try and see people when I go home. I met my friend Michele sophomore year and we’ve been friends ever since. She moved out here to San Diego last year and it is really nice having a friend I’ve known for that long around. We still drive around listening to 90’s music like we did when we were teenagers.

4. What activities were you involved in as a student? In junior high I played basketball, but switched to tennis when I got to high school. I also was involved in Science Olympiad and Environthon. Hold on to your hats, because this crazy liberal was also a charter member of my HS Teenage Republicans club. I also wrote for the school newspaper.

5. Did you bring your lunch, or did you get it at school? For the most part, I brought my lunch. Once in awhile I’d get “hot lunch” at school, but it was never very good.

6. Did you enjoy shopping for clothing and school supplies? School supplies. In 6th grade I had a really crazy binder and all my notebook paper was blue and pink. Clothing shopping with my mom was traumatic. Nothing like having your mom yell across the store “Look, they have this in size EDIT!” Plus, we had such different styles.

7. Name a song or a band that reminds you of high school. Nirvana always takes me back. Kurt Cobain died my senior year.

8. Did you like school? Sometimes. I liked learning, I didn’t like the socialization until I got to college. I’ve always been good at school, but I had trouble relating to other kids. That’s a blog post in and of itself. I’m an only child, from a small town where everyone knew each other, then I went to a huge high school and was the new kid who broke the grade curve. It was rough.

9. How long have you been out of school? I think it’s been 9 years since I dropped out of graduate school. I was all-but-thesis in my MS for Applied Immunology and Molecular Biology degree. I took a year off to work in industry and figure out how I was going to write my thesis with my research work that I had been doing at a previous job. It was a mess, and then I moved to Atlanta with my boyfriend (who became my husband) when he got a new job opportunity. Never went back. Sometimes I wish I had, but it was a difficult situation, even if I had stayed.

10. What did you like most about school? What did you dislike most about school? I liked the routine. I liked my teachers. I liked feeling that I was good at things. I disliked gym class and mean kids. I also disliked riding the bus. I walked to school for 9 years, for high school we had to ride a bus. Ick.

This is me, the 6th grade un-power forward.  I loved those shoes, too.

This is me, the 6th grade un-power forward. I loved those shoes, too.

Friend Makin’ Mondays: 10 Things That Make Me Happy

Yes, it is Wednesday, not Monday. But I want to make sure I blog more, so I’m going to jump in! I’ve been off Paleo, and I think I see more of what it offered me off it than I did when I was on. I never felt that different as I was on it, but I think any changes were too gradual. Being off it has been different. I haven’t gotten back on the horse completely, but I’m getting there.

FMM

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: http://www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Ten Things That Make Me Happy

1. Tiffany & Co. I love Tiffany blue so much I painted my bedroom that color. I love Tiffany jewelry. My husband bought my engagement ring there because I told him how the diamonds sparkled differently. Sure, it’s expensive, but not only are the styles timeless, they are just a little bit quirky. Enough to make them awesomely original. Every time I go to a new Tiffany store, I go get my rings cleaned. And they are really nice to me, even though my rings aren’t giant by any means.

Freshly painted room!

Freshly painted room!

2. My cat, Tess. She’s the best. She’s my constant companion. She’s a mini me. She’s a diva. She’s trouble. She’s my daughter. I can’t even begin to tell you how much she means to me.

The cutest kitty.

The cutest kitty.

3. Alpha Phi. I’m not only a proud member, I’m happy to be serving at San Diego’s Alumnae Chapter President. This organization has given me so much as a college student and as an alum.

My Alpha Phi sister Jen and I this year at our chapter's 50th anniversary celebration.

My Alpha Phi sister Jen and I this year at our chapter’s 50th anniversary celebration.

4. Lifting heavy weight. I get a special kick out of really killing the heavy lifting days. I’m not fast, I’m not coordinated, I’m not graceful, but I’m really, really strong.

5. Tennis. I’m so happy on the court. I have no idea why I don’t play more often.

6. Being home in Maine. I love California, truly. But I’m so happy when I’m at home in Maine. I miss my parents and I feel very connected with myself when I’m there.

Hanging out our lake house this year.

Hanging out our lake house this year.

7. The ocean. I’ve always loved it. It never fails to calm me down when I’m anxious. I don’t think I could ever live far away from it again.

8. Music. I’m not talented at all when it comes to music, but I love to listen to it, and I love that it makes me feel things.

9. Friends. I’m lucky to have great people in my life. I thought my college friends were the best, and they are. I learned how to keep surrounding myself with the best people. My San Diego friends are my urban family.

Here we are at Club 33!

Here we are at Club 33!

10. Last but not least, my husband! We’re currently living in a commuting situation at 2 different parts of the state, but we’re making it work. He’s my best friend, my partner in crime, the person I trust the most in the world, the guy that drives me crazy in every possible way. Going on 12 years together, it has yet to nearly get boring.

This is after our bachelor/bachelorette parties in Las Vegas.  We met back up and I harassed him just a little bit.

This is after our bachelor/bachelorette parties in Las Vegas. We met back up and I harassed him just a little bit.