Haters Gonna Hate

Isn’t it a little ridiculous to be a healthy and fitness coach when you obviously don’t have it all figured out?

You know what, that’s true. I am mid transformation. I do have bad days. In fact I did sample lots of donuts this weekend with my friends.

I can’t tell you that I have it all figured out – I certainly don’t.  But I’m getting there.  Every day I’m closer to my goal that I was the day before.

The thing is, I have the audacity to not hide.

I’m not going to say nothing and emerge like a butterfly.  You get to see the good, the bad, and the annoying along the way.  Some people probably won’t enjoy all my posts.  I know I’ve lost “friends” on Facebook.  I don’t care.  Someone else needed to see that I was out there trying my best on that day.  It made a difference for that person.

I’ve been trying to lose weight since I was 11 years old.  Nothing has “stuck” with me like Beachbody coaching.  I’m constantly uplifted by other coaches, my customers, trainers, and even the executives of the company.  (My CEO tweets at me, what?!?!)  And I know that by having people watching me, you ALL are making me accountable.

A kid can be 5 years old and be a baseball player when she hits the t-ball set up.  She doesn’t have to wait to be in the MLB to be a baseball player.  So why can’t I be a health and fitness coach right now?

Enough said.

Enough said.

Maybe I Don’t Hate Bicycles

The whole triathlon thing?  Yeah, it’s still my BIG goal.  I can swim very well.  I haven’t mastered open water swimming in the surf, but I’m a strong swimmer and I know it’s very much something I’ll be able to do.  I’m not the best runner, but I can do it.  I can do the distance.  Well, I can do 6 miles.  Let’s work on the rest.

I can ride a bike.  I mastered that at age 5.  Biking as an adult, knowing the danger, I don’t know, I think I’m a little afraid.  So I haven’t been doing much biking.  I make excuses.  I do other stuff.  I really hate shifting.  It feels weird, it sounds weird.  Cars are scary.

I did some indoor biking this year with my trainer.  I just mashed the pedals.  I put the resistance on, I suffered through the butt pain and I pushed.  I went for time, I went for cadence, I went for calorie burn.  I stood up when I couldn’t stand the butt pain anymore.  I hated every single moment of it.

So I wasn’t too excited about Spin class when my friend wanted to go.  But, I’m a good friend and I went.  When the instructor helped me adjust the bike settings, I knew it was going to be better than I thought.  All my joints lined up.  As soon as class started I knew things would be different.

The music was inspiring and the giant tour of San Francisco kept my eyes satisfied.  The class really got my senses excited and also satiated.  The whole class didn’t fly by.  It was hard.  It was work, but I enjoyed it anyway.  And afterward I got the endorphin high.  THE ENDORPHIN HIGH!  I never get it!  It’s fabulous.

My kick ass instructor, Sharon!

My kick ass instructor, Sharon!

I’ve been able to go two other times and it was equally as great.  And so was the endorphins.  I’m planning to go on my last week in Portland. And then I’m planning to go at my gym in San Diego.  It’s a completely different kind of workout.  And I think the switch up is just want I need right now.

Things have been tough in the last couple weeks.  The spin classes have been just what I needed.  Along with yoga and long walks.  I’m in a good place.

So maybe I’m not a biking goddess, but maybe I can do this after all.

Speed bumps happen to the best of us.

I’m at home in Maine for awhile.  All in all, this trip is lasting 3 weeks.  It’s been really hard at times to live across the country from friends, family, and where I grew up.  I’m more and more of a Californian every day, but I am still a Maine girl.  Definitely one of the biggest reasons that I am a Beachbody Coach is so that I can have the flexibility to be somewhere other than home in San Diego and still do my job.  My parents are getting older.  My friends have kids I want to know.  Social media lets us maintain relationships with people we knew in our pasts that we want to keep building.

Heading up for a walk.

Heading up for a walk.

I thought I prepared so well for this trip.  I packed plenty of clothes (probably too many).  I brought stuff to work out in. I brought a bunch of Beachbody program DVDs.  I brought tons of Shakeology.  I brought the new Beachbody Performance sample pack.  I fully intended to do my business from wherever I was.

Guess what?  $hit happens. I haven’t been on the ball.  I’ve managed some great walks and I’ve been to spin classes, but I haven’t been able to work my program remotely.  If it’s not a DVD player that isn’t hooked up, it’s a TV that’s in constant use for crime dramas.  These speed bumps don’t add up to much more than excuses and yet here they are.

Without getting in to much detail, there’s been some pretty heavy stuff going on with my family.  I’m dealing with it as best I can, but I have found myself sliding back into some dark places and some bad habits.  My disordered eating has been scratching at my brain.  It’s a comforting way to deal with stressors.  Only, it’s not that comforting. I see the patterns starting to form and this has been the first day I’ve been able to successfully pull the brakes on it.  No doubt, by telling 2 people close to me about it, separately, it made it real and it made my brain wake up a little.

I can only change what’s happening now and I can only try my best and set myself up for good things down the road.  I think that it means, I need to leave my time with my parents and get to a more neutral space where I can map out my own plan for the rest of my time here.  I need to not fall apart.

I accept, whole heartedly, than I am not perfect.  This isn’t any more than most people handle.  I can do this. I just have to remind myself of it and get on the right track.

My number one priority in life is my health.  MY HEALTH. I need to serve that priority in everything I do.

Officially a PiYo LIVE Instructor

It feels like I’ve meant to write this blog entry forever! At Beachbody Summit in Nashville I became a PiYo LIVE instructor.  I can lead classes now!  This is really exciting and actually fulfills a dream of mine that I never thought I’d reach.

I’m going to put this out there – yes, I have the audacity to be a group fitness instructor as well as a health and wellness coach.  Sure, I’m not a finished product – but will anyone ever be? Maybe I can start giving back NOW instead of waiting until a period of time in the sometime future where I feel I deserve this.

That’s crap.  I work hard.  I don’t deserve anything.  I’ve earned this and I intend to keep earning it every day.

Back in 1998 when I started going to Gold’s Gym in Bangor, ME I took Step Aerobics from a woman named Gina Toman.  She quickly became a mentor to me, whether she knew it or not.  The other group exercise instructors there as well totally inspired me.  But Gina was one of a kind.  I knew that leading a group class someday was something that I needed to do.

So why PiYo?  First of all – I love it.  Yoga is a passion of mine and Pilates is something I wish to improve at, so I had the interest when I started.  But PiYo is so much more than Yogalates. It really makes you FEEL like an athlete.  Emphasizing strength and flexibility, but sweating up a storm to good music – incorporating elements of dance and (believe it or not) gymnastics – it’s the whole package.

All official

All official

Serving people who do not feel that they can handle an intense group class is something I am excited about.  I’m still struggling with the moves, I modify. I literally have body parts in the way from doing some kick throughs.  The greatest part of PiYo is that it’s accessible to everyone.  There’s modifications YOU can do.  There are ways to push yourself, get a good workout, and be safe.  The best part is, at the end you are accomplished.

I am interested in making people feel like they can do more than they thought they could.  There is bliss to totally nailing Warrior 2.  There is a high you get from knowing you did more today than yesterday.  I want people to believe they can do something scary and outside their comfort zone.  I’m sure stretching outside of my own comfort zone with being an instructor!

Now if only I could get the musicality and cueing down.  🙂  I plan on making friends practice with me a lot in the coming weeks.  You’ve been warned.

Being Relentless

“Relentless.”

A friend I’ve known for the last 18 years described me as relentless a while back.  I felt like it was an incredibly flattering compliment, but in the back of my mind I felt like it was false.  Because I’m a quitter.

It’s easy to get obsessed with all the wrong turns you’ve taken and all the projects you didn’t finish.  And that’s what I pretty much equated my definition of success to.  Many times I’ve done the wrong thing and I’ve abandoned things I really wanted to work.  I can find examples in my personal life, in my professional career, in my education.  But the worst of it is how many times I’ve let myself down.

We’ve all heard about S.M.A.R.T. goals.  I know, it’s not sexy. But when I have goals, they are usually not SMART in any sense.  They are vague and intangible and things I don’t have a lot of planning sunk in to.  Just little, “wouldn’t it be nice” thoughts.  Well, of course I’m not going to be able to finish that shit!  I have no idea what it even is.

Also – I’m scared to death of letting myself down.  That’s ironic considering how much I’ve actually done it.  So scratch that – I think I’m actually scared of getting success.  Why? Because I probably feel like I don’t deserve it.

At this point, I need to take my own advice and become my own best friend, my own coach, my own cheerleader.  Of course I deserve it.  I deserve to chase every goal and grab it with both hands.  My top 3 pursuits in the past year have been:

1. Be happy.

2. Lose weight.

3. Make an income.

Admirable, vague, and really shallow (looking at you #2).  How about we try this again:

1. Continue to live mindfully and cultivate a positive attitude every day.

2. Make the nutrition and exercise changes necessary to lose 50 lb.  Have fun.  Don’t stop when things get hard.  Mix things up when they aren’t working or get boring.  Keep the big picture in mind at all times.

3. Build on my own transformation to get others on the same path, and serve at the same time as I earn income from this. And in the meantime, do everything I need to to get myself the tools and space I need to make this happen.

So, yeah.  I’m going to be relentless.  I’m not going to quit.  And I’m not going to give up if I stumble.

Stairs

Feeling Sassy.

I’ll be up front with you all.  I’ve been on a roller coast of emotions for the last 6 months.  It hasn’t been pretty at times.  If I had known what I was in for when I decided to go off The Pill and go with Natural Medicine, I’m not sure if I would have thought it was worth it.  I do think it is though.

I’ve been having normal periods on my new plan.  I take herbs and I get customized intramuscular shots twice a week.  A test result showed I am deficient in inositol and I think that the supplementation has made a difference.  I feel good – I have more energy.  I have periods but they aren’t heavy like they were pre Pill.  The only thing that I’m having trouble managing is my emotions.

It’s a tricky thing for me.  On the one hand – I’m really emotional anyway.  I’ve been known to cry during a musical montage on a TV crime drama.  I’ve started crying when having difficult conversations with professors.  Bosses.  I didn’t look very professional.  Premenstrually, it was always worse.  I’d cry because my husband wouldn’t have lunch with me.  I’d cry because I heard a sad UB40 song.

On the other hand – I’m on antidepressants.  Most of the time, I’m not able to access my emotions when I want.  It keeps me from getting too low, but it also keeps me from getting too happy.  Sometimes I’m laughing and smiling on the inside but it’s resting bitchy face on the exterior.  Sometimes my insides are on the spin cycle and I just need to have a good cry and make it work.  But at the given time, my neurotransmitters decline that invitation, so I stay bottled up.

I never seem to have a hard time with the anger emotion.

Since being off The Pill and treating my PCOS naturally, I’m not getting typical about-to-start-my-period blues.  I get unexpectedly blindsided by a small rebuff.  It sends me in to a 3 day stupor of feeling like shit. I wake up on a seemingly random day and want to punch everyone in the esophagus.  I feel irritated, like my skin is too tight.  Nothing makes me happy.  Then, poof, it’s over.  Instead of having the feeling that someone is running my body and I’m a passenger, it’s more like I’m getting tossed around in the storm with little awareness to what’s going on until it has passed.

However, today I’m feeling Sassy.

SassyLaurie

I’m taking my moods and my symptoms with a period app, because, well, there is an app for everything.  Let’s see if I can figure out some sort of pattern to the madness.  I’ve added some moods and symptoms and Sassy is one of them.

Feeling Sassy is a good one.  My filter pretty much didn’t exist today and I was freaking hilarious.  I had swagger.  My hair was on point.  My makeup – really good.  My workout was over first thing in the morning and I felt like a champion the whole rest of the day because of it.

I’ll take feeling Sassy over sad or mad.