It’s Just a Flesh Wound.

You don't really want to see it uncovered.

You don’t really want to see it uncovered.

Thursday I, once again, cut my thumb on the mandolin. Dumb move. This is the third time. It still hurts. No carrot slice is worth flesh.

The cut is on the side of my thumb and it’s very inconvenient. I feel happy that I don’t have contacts to take out anymore because that would be very difficult. I managed to still put my soup together slowly with the cut but it made it hard.

Once upon a time I also broke my right arm and got it cast in a very awkward position (think C3PO). I couldn’t drive, put my hair in a ponytail, take off my bra. And just like now with this thumb thing? It made wiping my ass annoying. 

I’m right handed. I do things with both hands together but I rely on that right hand for most everything. Things can be done with my left hand. It just takes longer and feels strange, for awhile anyway.

I recall getting better at eating with my left hand (except chopsticks), having legible penmanship left handed after awhile, even figuring out contacts during my 8 weeks in a cast. I know that all the little movements my thumb helps with are going to get compensated for and in a couple weeks this will be scarred over and filled in.

This is a good lesson for me that shit happens to make things inconvenient. And getting a cut on the thumb may seem like a big annoyance but in the grand scheme of things? This is a drop in the bucket. Since I’ve done this 3 times now maybe I’ll hold on to what I can learn.

⚙There’s always other ways to do stuff.
⚙It might take longer but it will get done.
⚙Muscle memory is constantly created.
⚙Porcelain is sharp.
⚙Keep it clean, keep it covered is a decent mantra.
⚙Be grateful for every part of your body and how it works together.
⚙If it doesn’t work together so well, you’ll figure it out.
⚙You can’t rush healing.
⚙Normal is always changing, you are always adjusting to your current state.

Speed bumps happen to the best of us.

I’m at home in Maine for awhile.  All in all, this trip is lasting 3 weeks.  It’s been really hard at times to live across the country from friends, family, and where I grew up.  I’m more and more of a Californian every day, but I am still a Maine girl.  Definitely one of the biggest reasons that I am a Beachbody Coach is so that I can have the flexibility to be somewhere other than home in San Diego and still do my job.  My parents are getting older.  My friends have kids I want to know.  Social media lets us maintain relationships with people we knew in our pasts that we want to keep building.

Heading up for a walk.

Heading up for a walk.

I thought I prepared so well for this trip.  I packed plenty of clothes (probably too many).  I brought stuff to work out in. I brought a bunch of Beachbody program DVDs.  I brought tons of Shakeology.  I brought the new Beachbody Performance sample pack.  I fully intended to do my business from wherever I was.

Guess what?  $hit happens. I haven’t been on the ball.  I’ve managed some great walks and I’ve been to spin classes, but I haven’t been able to work my program remotely.  If it’s not a DVD player that isn’t hooked up, it’s a TV that’s in constant use for crime dramas.  These speed bumps don’t add up to much more than excuses and yet here they are.

Without getting in to much detail, there’s been some pretty heavy stuff going on with my family.  I’m dealing with it as best I can, but I have found myself sliding back into some dark places and some bad habits.  My disordered eating has been scratching at my brain.  It’s a comforting way to deal with stressors.  Only, it’s not that comforting. I see the patterns starting to form and this has been the first day I’ve been able to successfully pull the brakes on it.  No doubt, by telling 2 people close to me about it, separately, it made it real and it made my brain wake up a little.

I can only change what’s happening now and I can only try my best and set myself up for good things down the road.  I think that it means, I need to leave my time with my parents and get to a more neutral space where I can map out my own plan for the rest of my time here.  I need to not fall apart.

I accept, whole heartedly, than I am not perfect.  This isn’t any more than most people handle.  I can do this. I just have to remind myself of it and get on the right track.

My number one priority in life is my health.  MY HEALTH. I need to serve that priority in everything I do.

Feeling Sassy.

I’ll be up front with you all.  I’ve been on a roller coast of emotions for the last 6 months.  It hasn’t been pretty at times.  If I had known what I was in for when I decided to go off The Pill and go with Natural Medicine, I’m not sure if I would have thought it was worth it.  I do think it is though.

I’ve been having normal periods on my new plan.  I take herbs and I get customized intramuscular shots twice a week.  A test result showed I am deficient in inositol and I think that the supplementation has made a difference.  I feel good – I have more energy.  I have periods but they aren’t heavy like they were pre Pill.  The only thing that I’m having trouble managing is my emotions.

It’s a tricky thing for me.  On the one hand – I’m really emotional anyway.  I’ve been known to cry during a musical montage on a TV crime drama.  I’ve started crying when having difficult conversations with professors.  Bosses.  I didn’t look very professional.  Premenstrually, it was always worse.  I’d cry because my husband wouldn’t have lunch with me.  I’d cry because I heard a sad UB40 song.

On the other hand – I’m on antidepressants.  Most of the time, I’m not able to access my emotions when I want.  It keeps me from getting too low, but it also keeps me from getting too happy.  Sometimes I’m laughing and smiling on the inside but it’s resting bitchy face on the exterior.  Sometimes my insides are on the spin cycle and I just need to have a good cry and make it work.  But at the given time, my neurotransmitters decline that invitation, so I stay bottled up.

I never seem to have a hard time with the anger emotion.

Since being off The Pill and treating my PCOS naturally, I’m not getting typical about-to-start-my-period blues.  I get unexpectedly blindsided by a small rebuff.  It sends me in to a 3 day stupor of feeling like shit. I wake up on a seemingly random day and want to punch everyone in the esophagus.  I feel irritated, like my skin is too tight.  Nothing makes me happy.  Then, poof, it’s over.  Instead of having the feeling that someone is running my body and I’m a passenger, it’s more like I’m getting tossed around in the storm with little awareness to what’s going on until it has passed.

However, today I’m feeling Sassy.

SassyLaurie

I’m taking my moods and my symptoms with a period app, because, well, there is an app for everything.  Let’s see if I can figure out some sort of pattern to the madness.  I’ve added some moods and symptoms and Sassy is one of them.

Feeling Sassy is a good one.  My filter pretty much didn’t exist today and I was freaking hilarious.  I had swagger.  My hair was on point.  My makeup – really good.  My workout was over first thing in the morning and I felt like a champion the whole rest of the day because of it.

I’ll take feeling Sassy over sad or mad.

Here’s the thing…

Whenever we want to change up our lives we always have the best intentions.  We get excited.  We buy stuff.  We throw ourselves in to it.  Eventually the newness wears off and it gets to be business as usual, if we are lucky.  Most of us end up not doing so well and quitting.  Then, we tell ourselves that it’s our fault.  We didn’t have enough willpower, we didn’t want it enough.  We didn’t deserve it after all.

I think that’s crap.

We are constantly evolving.  There are going to be phases in your life where something is interesting, and then it maybe isn’t as interesting.  Maybe a workout gives you results then you plateau.  Same thing with changing up your diet.  If there was ONE solid answer to being healthy, don’t you think we’d have found it by now and stick to doing it?

There are always going to be new things coming, and you’re doing yourself a favor if you try stuff.  Embrace change.  Take some chances.  Some stuff comes and goes, but habits last a lifetime.  As long as you’re in the game to make yourself as healthy as possible you’re working on building those lifelong habits.

Forgive yourself.  You didn’t fail your diet.  You didn’t cheat on your exercise.  You’re just finding out what works for you right now.

I'm not saying that Shakeology is going to be my breakfast until I'm 65.  Maybe, but who knows.  For right now, it's my game changer.

I’m not saying that Shakeology is going to be my breakfast until I’m 65. Maybe, but who knows. For right now, it’s my game changer.

What’s Next?

That’s exactly what I’m trying to figure out. My Whole30 was so eye opening. It was successful. I made in 30 days staying as on plan. Whole30 is really, really strict – even for Paleo. I gave up chocolate for 30 days – that right there is a big deal. I lost 14 pounds. Even though in the midst of it all I didn’t feel like my GI symptoms improved – as soon as I had my first non-Paleo meal, I felt the difference. And, oddly, my lactose intolerance has been minimal since I finished the cleanse. That’s crazy.

I’m still doing my circuit training classes twice a week. Pretty soon it should be more than me and the trainer du jour. My main trainer – who is also the club’s fitness director, is going to really start pushing the classes and having some cool things going on. He wants to do one class a week out on the beach volleyball court. Circuit in the sand! So, it won’t be (basically) personal training twice a week anymore. But being with others will probably be really good for me. I’m pretty competitive, so this might really kick my butt.

I’ve started wearing my Fitbit again. I have yet to make it to 10,000 steps in a day but I’m easily getting in my 10 flights of stairs. I think that I just have to make a bit more effort with the walks. Fitbit is a really great way to see how you are doing. I’m a data person, so being able to look at a chart at the end of the day that says how I’ve been doing, it’s powerful.

Planning is something I pretty much suck at when it comes to meals. I don’t keep lists for shopping, I really go off my whims easily. I picked up a meal planning pad at Marshall’s the other day. I’m going to see if I can make it work.

Picked this up for $2.99 in orange.  It's on Amazon for $8.99! It's simple, but I think it could work for me.

Picked this up for $2.99 in orange. It’s on Amazon for $8.99! It’s simple, but I think it could work for me.

For awhile now I’ve been thinking about Shakeology. I follow a Beachbody coach named Jamie DeLorme on Facebook and she offered some free sample to try. It’s not bad, and I like how it’s pretty packed with nutrients. I think I’m going to give it a try, along with a 60 day challenge. One reason Weight Watchers worked for me in the past is the accountability – the support. So I think that this will fill that role for me. Especially now that my husband and I spend 5 days a week apart (and he’s totally on another fitness level as me, anyway!) and I really don’t have close friends around me that are in my same situation. It will be good to connect with others in my tribe.

We're doing fine with the distance, but that doesn't mean we don't have bad days, or bad weeks.

We’re doing fine with the distance, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have bad days, or bad weeks.

I’ve also decided to embrace obsession. I obviously want to keep a balance in all things, but I can’t deny that I could use some single-minded focus right now.

My Paleo Diet: Day 31 – WHAT THE WHAT?!?

I stuck it out. It sucked sometimes. But I finished. I had a deal with myself, if I lost under 10 lb, I would integrate a lot of the Paleo practices in to my life and diet. If I lost more than 10, I would seriously commit to this at least 80% of the time.

I lost 14.

I KNOW!

I really don’t understand it! Things are fitting a bit better, but 14 lb lost isn’t what I thought it would be. I don’t care, I’ll take it. All. Day. Long.

How did I celebrate? I did a 5k! I also, had my first non Paleo meal afterwards and it sat in my stomach like a load of bricks and I got crazy gas burps.

The 5k was good – I didn’t run as much of it as I wanted, and I probably didn’t PR, but I beat people, and I got to run across the 50 yard line at Qualcomm stadium to see myself on the Jumbotron of the Chargers. Not a bad way to start a Sunday. And I got a new medal.

BolttoQ2