Tales of My Fitness Past – Part 5

When last we left the discussion of my fitness and body history, we were at a nice positive chapter. I was fit and happy. I reveled in my friends, my career and my life. I didn’t care so much about what I was missing. I was enough for myself. I was traveling to see friends who had moved away. I even joined the Maine Outdoor Adventure Club. I’m not much of an outdoor person, or adventuring in the outdoors. I joined it to meet new people and get some new experiences. It was kind of crazy, but I thought, oh well!

Bash

 

As it happens often in life, just when you get cozy and comfortable, you get the chance to change things.  I met a guy. And being in a new relationship caused my routine and my normal to drastically change.  I wasn’t cooking or myself anymore, I was cooking for 2.  But it was more like cooking for 3 or 4 because my boyfriend had an appetite.  I was going out to dinner much more. My boyfriend was a great cook and he made really, yummy food. He also introduced me to lots of different foods I hadn’t really had a lot of exposure to.  Thai, Chinese, Indian, BBQ, etc.  There wasn’t very much of the new cuisine that was healthy! And dessert, particularly ice cream, was the rule, not the exception.

A lot of my time in the evening had been spent going to the gym.  I did lots of late night workouts before.  Now, if we weren’t hanging out, we were probably playing computer games.  My workouts were not physical except my hands on the keyboard. and running across virtual worlds, doesn’t really count!  Because playing the game was a huge priority, meals were often delivered so that we didn’t have to waste time cooking.  Sadly, our Chinese food delivery guy ended up getting so comfortable delivering to us that he’d just come on it and sit down and chat.  (I do want to brag that I used to get steamed vegetables!)

I was also in  graduate school, which added another layer of stress, time suck, and being sedentary.  I did try and walk to my classes from my apartment, which allowed me SOME exercise.  It was a few blocks more than comfortable so it was a decent amount of steps.  I made a new friend my second year of graduate school who had a summer job working for 2 of the most addictive men I’ve ever met: Ben and Jerry.

She came to school with a freezer full of ice cream pints.  Some we had never had before, and some that weren’t sold in stores.  She filled our freezer.  She filled a freezer at school.  There was ice cream everywhere and it was all yummy.  In the downtime for school we turned to food. When we studied, there was food.  We discovered the wonderful taste of cookie dough in a tub.  Sure, it wasn’t meant to be eaten with a spoon, but it sure was great.

I don’t mean to throw my grad school friends and boyfriend under the bus.  We also tried to do more workout things. I used to do 3 mile walks with the boyfriend.  My grad school friends and I joined Curves and did water aerobics.  We tried to cook together.  Fajita nights!

Fitness and health were less of a priority than school, relationships and recreation.  Socializing was the norm.  I had no real goals.  At one point I did join Weight Watchers at my work and a good Weight Watchers meeting IS worth it’s weight in gold.  But when we didn’t have enough people to keep it up, and when my grant ended and I was in school full-time, I was back on my own.

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Mistakes, I’ve Made a Few…

Do you ever find that your strengths can also be your weakness?

I’m still playing with the concept in my brain but I’ve made a realization. I’ve always been a little too obsessed with mistakes. My mistakes – figuring out where I went wrong and course correcting. Other people’s mistakes. Wow, am I good at pointing out mistakes other people make. (Sorry!)

I’m a great editor. You want any written piece checked for grammar, fonts, spacing, spelling, relative color of ink? I‘m your girl. Those “find the differences” puzzles – they are toast around me. I’ll tell you all the goofs in the movie. I could recognize when my Walkman battery was low and my cassette tapes were playing a little slow.

This is a skill that has served me SO well, but it’s also been a huge energy drain. Honestly, unless it’s your resume, or something really important – who freaking cares? It’s not as important as CREATING. And that’s really what I love to do. So why tear down when I can be building?

Maybe I’m always looking for mistakes because I always feel like I am wrong. If I can find a mistake in something else – maybe it isn’t me.

Okay, that’s a pretty big thought for a Monday night! Well, don’t worry, it actually was the result of spending from Friday night at 6 PM until last night at 8 PM in an intense personal development course. Being a Beachbody Coach pushes me out of my comfort zone. Well, I followed in the footsteps of a lot of the coaches on my team by doing this work and I’m turning a corner.

The Universe is always creating and destroying. Catabolism and Anabolism go together. Pointing out and searching for mistakes – it can be super important in the right situation, but it’s a form of destruction. It’s necessary sometimes but it’s also the easy way out of a lot of problems.

I’m choosing to be on the other end of the balance for awhile. I’m going to CONSTRUCT.

Let's build something awesome.

Let’s build something awesome.

I’m Glad I’m a Grown-Up: February’s Last Thought

I loved college.  I grabbed a hold of that experience, held on and wrung out every bit of fun that was possible for years – including summer sessions.  Even better than college was AFTER college.  After a year of living for the weekend (and going back to college) on a small island, I spent 5 years living in Maine’s largest city, being a bar district regular, and reigning as the Princess of Portland.

I physically moved on.  I ended up living in a couple large cities, and I’ve had a fun time in my 30s. I didn’t rip it up like the 20s, but it was pretty great. Sure, my alcohol tolerance isn’t what it was, my feet couldn’t take a whole night of dancing, and I called a cab instead of walking home.  My husband has told me, repeatedly, that I’m living in the past, too obsessed with college and my 20s.

I admit, I still keep in touch with friends I’ve had from those times.  We have more than enough #tbt dirt on each other.  Unfortunately we’ve also bonded over the loss of some of our mutual friends – taken from us much too young.  I go home usually once a year to see my parents.  My trips end up including visits with friends and my favorite places.  I like to watch what some people think of as “teen” shows.  But, honestly, either I watch because I like the actors playing the parents, or it’s about vampires.

Not bad.

Not bad.

It doesn’t hurt that I still can pass for being in my 20s.  I love getting carded.  I feel better than I did when I was in my 20s.  I’ve mastered dressing better and I’ve rehabbed the mistakes I made in over plucking my eyebrows.  I have some really awesome jewelry now including 3 wedding rings.

After a conversation on Twitter with a friend from college I came to the realization that without seeing it happen – I grew up. Despite my husband’s protests, my love of 90s music, and the fact that I get off the airplane in Portland and go straight to Margaritas – I’m a grown up and I’m okay with it.

I don’t miss the craziness and uncertainty of that time in my life.  I’m glad I no longer am drawn to drama.  I’m happy with who I am.  I like things about myself, even when I’m striving to improve them.  I have advice to offer women younger than me, because there is a lot of thing I wish I had know when I was in that spot.  I don’t envy the young anymore, I just want to see them have an awesome life and enjoy themselves as much as I do.

It doesn’t bother me that my doctor, hair stylist and boss are younger than me.  I don’t view age as a peg of authority anymore, I now see it as expertise and accomplishment – and we aren’t all going to have the same at any age.

I looked up to women my current age when I was in my 20s as surrogate big sisters and I hope others do the same with me now.  But I dreaded getting older and growing up even if it made me like those women.  I didn’t want to get boring!

I’m not boring.  I love my life and every experience I’ve had.  I’m looking forward to the ones I’m going to have.  I might end up with gray hairs and some wrinkles, but it’s going to be okay when it happens.

Catch-22 Pounds

One of the things I keep being the most surprised about as I continue to change my life and my habits is that it pretty much impacts my relationships with everyone.

I really thought this was all about me, and if it was a relationship thing – it was my relationship with myself or my relationship with food.  I’m now seeing that the whole book I thought I had written was erased and I’m starting over.  My friends and family are still my friends and family, but there is a definite shift.

I thought once I lost some weight and was more confident, I’d be more social.  After all, I have new clothes to show off, right?  Not exactly.

Progress

It started out that I had to tell friends “no” when it came to Happy Hours.  I was working out with my Boot Camp, or I was just leaving Boot Camp and smelled terrible.  Or sometimes it was that I wasn’t drinking anymore.  Sometimes I was just too tired to drag my ass to a bar!  But I wanted to hang out with my friends.  I tried to make things work when I could.  I had a lot of guilt around it.  But I have to tell you, they were all pretty awesome.  Whenever I would try to apologize for being MIA they wouldn’t hear of it.

Another weird thing, that’s related, is people are just ridiculously proud of me.  From people I knew in Kindergarten, to people I’ve known for a couple of months – I keep getting compliments.  I’m learning how to take them a little better, but it’s still pretty weird for me.  And my gorgeous friends?  They tell me that I INSPIRE THEM.  Which still just makes my head spin because I can’t imagine how that works, but I’ll take it because it’s just pretty darn cool.

So who do I hang out with?  I have a new group of people in my life.  New friends who all work out with me, or near me, or beside me, whatever.  I have my whole Beachbody Team, my upline, my Facebook friends, people I met at Summit.  If I need someone to hike with or vent to, I have plenty of options I didn’t have a year ago.  I also now train with this guy.  He’s a Nurse and a Marine, and he has me doing insane things that I never would have done before.  He has a great way to push me and get me out of my comfort zone, but at the same time, I know I’m well taken care of.  He and his wife and kids have become yet another West Coast family to me.  And now he’s letting my intern with him 3 days a week while I try to make health and fitness the center of my world. 

I’m still very happily married, but my relationship with my husband has changed and is changing all the time with this.  Luckily for me, he’s also very interested in fitness and health.  He understands the workouts and the early morning wake ups.  Unfortunately what he doesn’t always understand is how my time and energy get diverted away from things that need to be done.  When I have a high volume week of workouts, that can mean 6 workouts a day starting at  5 AM.  I pretty much have to spend the week before preparing my LIFE to be on total hold.  All household chores pretty much stop once those workouts start.  So if there’s laundry to be done, too bad.  If there’s dishes to be washed, better get plastic.  Need to make an appointment?  Better block out some time of your day, I won’t have any.  I barely cook.  I workout, eat and sleep.  Repeat as many times as necessary.  That has taken a huge toll out of our symbiosis, and has been the source of many fights.  It doesn’t help that when I’m tired and calorie deprived I’m not exactly a reasonable person.

I’m still trying to figure this all out.  How I can still be a good friend and partner and have my workouts, too.  Some friendships may be slightly on pause since there isn’t as much going out to dinner.  Maybe I’ll continue to get more people on the road to fitness along with me.  But either way, this is something I’m doing for myself, and that’s the most important relationship of all.

Friend Makin’ Mondays: Taboo Topics

It’s been a good week.  P90X3 has been hard.  My body has felt beat up.  But I made it through to the other side.  There’s no doubt I’m getting stronger.  30 minutes, yeah, I can handle that.  It’s the 2-a-days that have been pushing me to the edge.  I haven’t given up my other training schedules.  So I’m still doing circuits, yoga and TRX.  And a crap ton of walking some days. 80 some odd days left!

Yoga was hard this week, y'all!

Yoga was hard this week, yo!

I’ve always been pretty much an open book.  I’m trying to be more transparent when it comes to health, weight loss, fitness and how I’m feeling about myself.  I’m trying to be more true to my boundaries when it comes to my relationships, things that don’t have much to do with me and my family.  But, I’ll take on this Taboo Topics list!

FMM

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Taboo Topics

1. Are you a registered voter? Yes, have been since I was 18.

2. Do you believe in GOD? I do.  Listen, I’m not going to pull that “I’m not religious, I’m spiritual” bullshit.  I don’t go to church, and I’m okay with that.  I live my life in accordance to my values, and that includes how I feel about God. I’m not quite agnostic, but I don’t think we really know what the plan is.  If that makes sense.

3. How has your readership changed since you first began blogging? I have some readers, not a ton.  But I do get giddy when I read comments from new people.

4.  If you could choose between a serious relationship or $100,000, which would you choose? My relationship with my husband is the most precious thing.  It has no price.

5. Have you ever changed political parties? Twice.  I was a registered Republican as soon as I could vote.  My own views became more left centric.  But, I’m from Maine, and our Republicans would make awesome Democrats anywhere else.  I switched to Independent when I moved to Georgia.  And now that I live in California, I’m an official Democrat.  I vote bipartisan.  The best person for the job gets my vote.  I put a lot of emphasis on social issues when it comes to who I vote for.

6.  If you were put in a position in which you had to be in a room with someone that you can’t stand, how would you handle the situation?  I always act professionally.  I think poise, I think grace, I treat people how I would like to be treated.

7.  Do you ever eat in secret because you don’t want anyone to see what you consume? I did, and I still do sometimes.  I try not to, but it is something that happens sometime.  It’s not great, I know that.  I know that I certainly still have issues I’m dealing with.  But, hey, honesty, right?

8.  Do you use curse words in your daily conversations? I do.  I try not to when I’m around people I don’t know well.  I REALLY try to watch my language around kids and strangers.  But my vocabulary is often “colorful”.

9.  How much do you tip when you’ve had decent service at a restaurant? Usually 20%, unless the ticket is really small, and then a $5 minimum.

10.  How do you respond when someone confronts you? I hold my own.  I don’t get super defensive and confrontational in return.  I’m a bit hotheaded, so I try and calm myself.  But I don’t let anyone walk on me, and I’d walk away if I had to.

Friend Makin’ Mondays: Relationships and Dating

This will be interesting, fun and probably a little hard of a blog post to completely finish. I’m married. I just celebrated my 4th wedding anniversary and I’ve been dating my husband for 12 years this Christmas Eve. That’s a long freakin’ time! We’re a very solid couple. Right now we aren’t living together for work reasons. He has a fantastic job in a start up in Silicon Valley, and I’m in San Diego living in our condo. There’s a ton of reasons why I’m NOT moving up to be there. San Diego is home to both of us. We’re incredibly grounded and happy here. This is the place where we want to live our lives. Having a San Diego base keeps him from getting caught in the craziness of the Valley. To sell or rent our condo, we’d need to do significant upgrades. I’m starting a business here. Our friends are here and the friends we have here are seriously our family. We belong here, but this is not where his best opportunity is at the moment.

So, we’re making it work. He flies back on weekends. I try and go up for a week once a month. We have a lot of IM conversations during the day, which is pretty much normal if you’re with someone in the tech industry. He gets to work the hours he needs to work without any guilt of his wife at home.

It’s tough. I miss him. When we’re together for a week or more the separation is much worse and raw. I expect change to happen. I don’t know when, I don’t know what. But for now we are going with it all. So I’ll do my best to answer today’s questions. I have friends who are back to dating after divorce in some cases, so maybe that will help me?

FMM

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: http://www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Relationships and Dating

1. List five characteristics that you think are important in a significant other.
Willingness to communicate. Crucial! Things need to be said.
A sense of humor. Life is crazy, you have to laugh about it all.
Honesty. There’s never a good reason to not be honest. I’m lucky I married a terrible liar.
Sense of present. Not the gift variety. Knowing that here and now is important. Enjoy the present. Live for the moment. Don’t take today or tomorrow for granted. Appreciate what’s around you now.
Integrity. If you are hitching your star to someone else’s, it better be going in a direction you can appreciate as well. Someone you believe in, who believes in you, and that you can stand together and know that you are being the best you can be.

2. If you had to choose between staying single for the next two years (as in, no dating at all,) or receiving $10,000, which would you choose? Even if I was single, I’d pass on the money. Having a good relationship is such a gift, and if you are single you have no idea who is just around the corner. Timing is everything, and why mess with what could be your time over some cash?

3. What is your relationship status? Are you satisfied with it? I’m happily married! I covered everything I wanted to say about this above. I’m so glad I married the man I did. We’re better together than we ever were apart.

4. Would you date someone who has children? If I found myself single at this point, sure. I don’t plan on having children myself. I don’t like ALL kids. But, I don’t hate them either. At some stage in your life, having children in the mix is all but a given with dating. (And like I told a friend earlier tonight – if you are ever dating a man with kids who rails on his ex-wife as a harpy who makes his life hell – better run. Men that diss their baby mommas better look in the mirror. They were in that relationship, too.)

5. Would you date someone who’s shorter than you? I probably would have said no in my 20’s, but I don’t think it really matters much. I find myself attracted to really tall men. 6’4″ used to be my magic number, but I married a 6’1″ who slouches. A women being smaller than a man is such an outdated part of our collective culture. Women are not less than men, in any way. We can make more $, have a great job, and yes, be taller. I hate that diminutiveness is considered attractive in a woman.

Celebrating our wedding anniversary by doing one of our favorite things - drinking wine!

Celebrating our wedding anniversary by doing one of our favorite things – drinking wine!

6. Would you date someone who has different political views? I think that depends on HOW different. My husband and I have pretty similar views, but they definitely diverge in some areas. We’re both liberal. He’s more of an anarchist and I’m more of a socialist. No, I’m not a member of the Communist Party and he doesn’t destroy stuff. I think that political views and alignment over some issues are certainly part of the mix when finding someone you get along with. Some couples like Carville and Matalin find a way to make it work, so it can happen. (FYI, in college, actually before I got really liberal and I was still a registered Republican, a guy broke up with me for being “too liberal”. He’d really run now!)

7. If you were going on vacation together, would you choose the beach or the mountains? The beach because there’s likely more going on. My husband is a city boy through and through and quiet drives him crazy. Not having WiFi would kill him on vacation. I’d prefer the beach because I’m so comfortable whenever I’m near the water.

8. How do you show someone that you’re interested in them? Back in THE DAY (College!) I’d say I would show them I was interested basically by stalking them. I’d just happen to be where they were! Imagine that! In high school I’d time roughly how long it would take for a certain someone to go to his locker, get his stuff and walk by where mine was, so we always left the same time. In college I’d go to the dining hall nearest to his dorm. I would totally do drive bys! It was moderately creepy, but it got results for me AND my friends. I’d do crazy things to get a number for a friend. As I got older, and ballsier, I’d just tell them. But probably after a little stalking.

9. Do you prefer to date people who are older than you or younger? I always preferred older. But not too much. I dated younger guys and married someone 2 years younger than me. My rule was “Must be born in the 1970’s” when I was an active dater. I never broke it! I went from 1971 to 1979 though. 🙂

10. Share some details of your dream date. Okay, dream date with my husband! It would be here in San Diego. We’d spend part of the day at the Zoo or just doing stuff around the city. Then we’d have a nice dinner, hopefully involving red meat to help with my anemia. We’d go to a fantastic dessert restaurant to top it off, and then at the end if we could manage to keep going (but this is a dream, so let’s say we do) we’d end up at my favorite dueling piano bar.